Engineering

Exams are coming near ,want to finish all subjects on time,actually I'm planning to complete the one or two fifth of every subject ,rest will get covered automatically.Today I was studying LIC ,thought that I should buy an op-amp and timer 555 IC so that studying becomes a bit easier as I'll be looking at the things about whom I'm studying in detail.But don't want to go out to the market ,it has been a long time since I got out of my house without any really important work.I just need to go out and feel the air outside but the thing I don't like about going out is that I have to answer a lot of questions of my grandpa ,like where are you going ,why are you going  and at last it is not good to go out .I wonder if I'll be able to see the real world ever ,my family is always going to keep me bound to home .I really like to go out and see how people are doing and it makes me feel independent and free ,it also decreases my stress level which I think is considerably high but people around me think that the only important thing in my life is to study and I don't like to argue or tell lie though I think that it will be the right thing to do ,including regular outings in my schedule is going to help me a lot to reduce my stress level which is a major thing on which I am working from the last five years of my life .Really I worry a lot and don't enjoy life much that may be the reason I thought about committing suicide many times in the last few years .When I go to bed I feel like a long dagger should pierce my heart ,yeah.
Coming back to topic I have started studying for knowledge instead of studying for marks ,it helps a lot in studying ,I feel like studying the topics that are not the course also ,feel like studying them only .Still trying to invert my sleeping time ,I'm trying to stay awake at night so that I get more time alone in my room which I expect is going to be utilized in meaningful activities .